Archive | December, 2012

On having no resolve…

It is the day before the  year 2013 and I am sitting in the car dealership.  I am here to have my Mini Cooper serviced-a boring but necessary part of life that in many ways I am grateful to be able to experience.  On the drive here this morning the radio conversation ran along the lines of New Year’s Resolutions-what they mean, can they be fulfilled, which are the most commonly made and broken, etc…  That is the rub, isn’t it?  Why make these promises for an entire year when this task, on the whole, is unrealistic?  Why say to oneself, “I will be more (insert your adjective here) this year…” when you now that it will never work out 100%?  Too much pressure…

My solution is to not have any resolutions at all for the 12 month period ahead.  Instead, I will try my best, daily, to be a little more compassionate, a little more patient than the day before.   I can accomplish a whole list of “resolutions” in this fashion.  I can work harder, shrink my emotional footprint, be a better brother, son, mentor, friend and employer.  All I have to do is take care of today and then when I put my head on my pillow at night I can let the results go and sleep in good conscience.  This best case scenario allows for errors and I can forgive myself along the way because, after all, I am only human.  And so are you.

That’s it for the update today.  Not much to say, really. Just checking in.

JDCM

A dilapidated hand cart on the Greek island of Milos. Mamiya c330, Kodak Plus-X, June 2012

A dilapidated hand cart on the Greek island of Milos. Mamiya c330, Kodak Plus-X, June 2012

This is a short post.  Some of you have noticed that I have updated my blog.  It is more spiffy, easier to change and I am liking the header photo idea.  I have been taking some pictures to use specifically for this image. It changes my eye, this is for sure.

I have also spent the last few hours updating my photography site right here .  There is  link on the right hand side of this page, but this makes it easier.  New to the gallery is a portfolio called ‘Kyklades Wall Project’ which is an idea I have bounced back-and-forth with Liz Carson for the past year.  It is a medium format study of the stone walls throughout the Kyklades.  I still have many islands to photograph, so this is just a beginning.  I am hoping to make the best of them into a book someday.  There is a reason for these photos, but that is my business.  If you search for ‘island hopping’ in my blog you will find more details on these images…

I also cleaned up the b/w image bank.  I have separated out the Greek from the American and the European from the Greek.  Nice and neat.  I have changed the slide show so that the photo captions can now be read and the user gets to move back and forth at will.  Overall, I think it represents a more current file of my work to date.  ‘Goodbye’ to the Bosnian color pieces and ‘farewell’ to the Roma of the Former Yugoslavia.  They were getting me down.

Christmas has passed and 2013 is just around the corner.  Then I have three more weeks before I head back to Greece, Paros, The Aegean Center for the Fine Arts, gavros, gigantes, horta and the next round of photographic adventures.

JDCM

With a little help from my friends….

Ancramdale, New York  December 22, 2012 07:45hrs

Ancramdale, New York December 22, 2012 07:45hrs

I have found through trial (many trials) and error (many errors) that I can accomplish very little in life without the assistance of those around me.  Whether it is the gentle and loving care for my mother, my continuing work at the Aegean Center or any spiritual journey I may undertake, I cannot do it alone, nor do I really want to anymore.  Yes, there are times when we all need a little solitude for reflection and meditation, but overall I long to embrace the company of my fellows, whomever they may be.

I return to Greece in just over a month.  Christmas will come and go and the New Year will ring its bells and I will, I hope, have some work to show for the time I have spent here.  I am opening up my darkroom and am about shooting film (both 35mm and MF) as well as recording some digital images.  Besides my Leica M8 I have resuscitated my old Canon Digital Rebel, the first decent digital SLR I used.  It needed a new battery so I picked one up from Adorama.  I hope to use it as a point-and-shoot while I am here, reserving the Leica for more contemplative images.  The MF film work is up in the air.  Maybe I’ll work on some more short depth-of-field images and bring the negatives back to Paros.  The 35mm film is being used in a really old Canon AE-1 with a 50mm lens.  In both cases I am shooting Kodak Tri-X 400.  If I am industrious I hope to begin developing by the end of this week and printing by 2013.  2013!  Imagine that…A lot of water has flowed under the bridge, over the dam and out to sea since I started this blog.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I switched gears and turned onto this road, a journey that fills me with endless gratitude and wonder.

It snowed early this morning before I awoke.  The weather outside is grey and leaden, a wintry wind is reminding me that all things must pass and, as they do, new opportunities for knowledge and growth appear on the horizon.  In some cases it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all and I have to believe that there is something better for me down the road.  As a friend and I were remarking this morning…one door closes, another door opens.  Life is a series of hallways and corridors.  Take a risk and turn the knob.

 My never-ending thanks to Kit Latham for all of his wonderful support in the much needed update of this blog space.  You will notice that the old images of the Bosnian Roma are gone, replaced with more current and relevant images from my portfolios.  To have them off the site is a great relief to me.  They represent a time of my life that has passed.  I have also cleaned out much of my gallery site, letting go of a tired and used vision for something a little more current.  In a few days there will be an even larger shift.  Siga-siga, as we say on Paros.

JDCM

American return…

My flight from Vienna to NY/JFK was uneventful.  I actually slept little which is not normal for me, so maybe that’s an event.  When I returned to Ancramdale I was able to stay awake until about 11PM and then crawled into bed and slept soundly until around 5:15AM.  That will change in a week or so but right now I am awake in this quiet early-morning house, my mother and a caregiver downstairs asleep.  The eastern sky is just beginning to grow pale…almost 7AM.

It has been just over 4 months since I last saw my mother, and vice-a-versa.  This is, I think,  compounded her everyday confusion by making her suddenly aware that I have been gone and that I have returned.  There were also moments of “who is your mother?” last night while we watched Jeopardy, questions which are unnerving for me, to say the least.  Like so many people in her life who have dropped off of her social map, I am walking on the fringes of her memory.   I put a positive face on it though and we changed the subject a little, easing her discomfort.  I hope that within the next few days she will have forgotten I went anywhere and have been here all the time.  That would be a relief for both of us.

My time in Vienna was lovely, although the weather was a bit gloomy at times.  Still, it makes for good museum weather and I took advantage of that.  As I stated earlier the Albertina Museum and Durer exhibit were stunning, some of the works not having been displayed for over 50 years.  I saw the ‘Triumphal Procession’ (among many other pieces) in all of its 54 meter glory, the other 50 meters being lost to history.  I was planning on going to see ‘The Third Man’ that night at the Burg Kino Theater, but by 9:30PM I still had over an hour to wait and I suddenly felt the need to just relax and not push the plan.  So I called it an early night and hit the rack.  I have had the Vienna/Third Man experience twice already.  I could skip it this time.  

The next day was drizzly and cold and I trudged over to the Kunst Historiches Museum for a day of Great Masters and palatial Hapsburg splendor.  I was not disappointed.  I made a wise decision and rented one of the audio guides.  Even though I already knew much of what the guide told me, it slowed down my journey through the building thus providing a more enjoyable experience.  It is safe to assume that there were whole rooms devoted to Rubens, Breugal, Velasquez and others.  Truly the booty from one of the most powerful and wide-reaching empires in world history.  From Vienna, the Hapsburgs directly controlled all of Europe, except for England, Russia and parts of the southern Balkans.  Massive power and wealth.  The French Louis’ were common landowners compared to what became the Dual Monarchy of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.  In any case, they could afford to either buy it all since everyone worked for them.  Here is a list of just some of their employees, all of whom I was able to view last Saturday:  Titian, Tintoretto, Velasquez, Durer, Holbein, Rubens (2 rooms!), Altdorfer, Rembrandt, Van Dyck, and Bruegel.  That is the Top Ten.  There were whole salons of painters with whom I was not familiar.  

The next day I had a great time with my friend Mathias and his family.  I walked in the park and had lunch with them and photographed the three of them with their young son, Anton.  It was such a nice time.  Then I went to the Schloss Belvedere to see the very large Klimt show. Hmmm…After the previous day, Klimt fell flat for me.  What was gently impressive, however, was the exhibit upstairs of the late 19th c. painter Erik Jakob Schindler.  I loved the work and I ended up purchasing a small book.  

So Vienna was a success:  good food, good friends, good art and once again, worth the trip–more than just a stop-over on my way back to the US from Greece.  I think I will try to make it back there this spring for a few days.  

JDCM

Note:  for some reason I cannot add links with the text.  You’ll have to investigate stuff on your own…

Post time…Vienna…

I haven’t posted in quite a while.  I’ll give the short-story to catch up and then expound a bit…

The student exhibition for the Fall 2012 Aegean Center was lovely.  The students worked hard, expressed their individual talents and it showed.  That’s all I have to say really, except well done to all!  I am looking forward to the spring session and all that it may hold.  Challenges, rewards, hard work, hikes, frustrations and solutions.  It all makes up the rich pageant that is the Aegean Center for the Fine Arts.

I traveled to Athens and stayed there for two days.  While I was there I was able to see an exhibit from the photographer Helmut Newton.  I was surprised.  I have seen much of his work over the years, in books mostly, so to see full-sized prints was stunning.  There was also a movie, made by his wife of almost 50 years, June Newton.  It portrayed a man severely maligned by the press and the photo-world as being a pervert and a weirdo.  The truth was eye-opening.  He worked hard, used incredible skill with no trickery and produced some of the more iconic images in fashion I have ever seen.  His CV reads like a who’s-who of the fashion world: Vogue, Elle, Yves St. Laurent…the list goes on.  His commentary was clear and the filmed interactions with his models proved beyond a doubt the level of respect for their professionalism and grace.  At one point he said that his goal was to make a fashion shoot not look like a fashion shoot, but rather something from a movie.  He also talked about the gear he uses, i.e. not much: a Hasselblad 500 and a Polaroid for the light tests.  He switched to a basic canon EOS digital later on his career for the lighting tests.  Very few exterior lights and almost no studios that looked like studios.  His eye captured the realities behind the shoot as well as the focus.   I left the show feeling like it was a good two hours spent in the afternoon. The next day I flew to Vienna and was greeted by the lights of a city in Christmas season and the weather to match.  It’s cold here, folks.  Last night it went down to 18*F.  Today was cloudy and chilly and snow is predicted for tomorrow night.

I visited the Albertina Museum today to see the Albrecht Durer show.  It was a huge event focusing on his work during the reign of Emperor Maximilian I.  Many of the works mentioned in the Wiki article were on display for the first time in decades.   I have to leave descriptions of those for the next post since I will include many links.

Tonight I dine on tafelspitz and then walk down to the Burg Kino Theater and watch ‘The Third man’.

JDCM

Down to the wire and a Five Year Plan…

Polly Jo McCulloch Masters, circa 2012

The term winds down, a spring relaxing, but ironically the ticktock increases for the final push.  The student exhibition is this weekend, preceded by readings and vocal performances.  I am too tired to go into the details, but it is an exhilarating time for many and stressful for the rest.  I have all but finished matting my photographs and only have to wait the final call for how many I need to matte for hanging.  The 11 pieces I worked on today will be in the ‘flip file’.  They are simply matted and wrapped in protective plastic to keep the fingerprints of my adoring fans on the exterior instead of marring the precious silver emulsion inside.

On a more personal note..I returned back to my flat Thursday evening to the sound of my mobile phone chirping, meaning I had missed a call.  When I checked, it had been my sister in Maine.  This unrolled a laundry list of stressful thoughts about my mother.  Was this ‘the call’?   As I called her back the thought came into my head “Mom has had a stroke…” and I wasn’t far off.  It was either a stroke or a TIA, but the good news was that she was well, in the hospital and had almost completely recovered in the short time since the event.  I was told to not worry, go about my day/night and check the next morning.  The caregivers had acted quickly and efficiently, probably saving her life.  So I went back to the darkroom and worked on some final proofs.  As I was slowly agitating my work in the soup I thought back to the summer of 2009 when I first applied to the Aegean Center.  I wrote and submitted an essay about photography, developing film and living as a primary caregiver for an elderly parent.  Here is an excerpt:

“I have tried to hold on to dreams as I wake and am dumbfounded when they disappear in the daylight. But hers are different. They come and go like shadows thrown by the leaves of trees as the sun arcs through the sky and clouds rolls past. But hers are not dreams. They are misfiring synapses and broken electrical connections in her brain that make no sense to me or others, but, to her, are as real as a photographic proof on high-contrast paper.  When her process is done what will the results be?   Once there was a writer, a theater owner, a lover of mysteries, a friend to the down-trodden and a mother who cradled her son on the edge of the pond lest he fall in the water and drown. The woman who gave birth to me, who saved my life, who visited me in the worst of places, is a shade of the agitated image now asleep in the wide bed. The picture is soft but the overall image is even, like there is something wrong with the inner workings of the camera. No amount of re-focusing can fix this and no expert can offer any kind words that will make it right. The light is lovely and soft; it is always magic time. The reality the camera catches is not what I expect. It is more and less at the same time, urging me to follow, yet losing me in the bright haze of a summer afternoon.”

As I stood in the darkroom and gently swirled the Microphen across the silver emulsion I weighed the passage of time and what has transpired since that summer.  Nothing stressful or too alarming for her, thankfully, and looking back I can see that she has wandered a steady but declining plateau while I have progressed in a more upward fashion.  Yes, there have been pitfalls I have avoided and the occasional mess I have stepped in but on the whole it has been a positive 3 1/2 years.  What is to come?  That was a question put forth the other day in class and, truthfully, I have no answer for the Big Question.  I have some goals for the next year, but five years is still too far off to tell…

JDCM